Chapter 10
Understanding the Other Risks . . . Hidden Dangers
Even though pornography and sexual content are receiving most of the attention, there are other dangers in cyberspace too: tobacco and alcohol advertisements, violence and gore, misinformation and hate, and sites that collect and sell private information about your kids and your family, and use interactive marketing strategies that target cybertots. These may be far more dangerous to your children than sexual content. Online "addiction" is also a growing problem.
And, since we're here to discuss risks and how to avoid them, we need to warn you about the dangers your children (and their friends) may pose to others in cyberspace, including you. They may give out credit card information, share private information about you and your family, infringe copyrights, commit computer crimes and lose or destroy your files. (Just ask my sister about her cherubic three-year-old daughter.) In some cases, they may not even know they're doing it, but the dangers are just as real.
Finally, there are risks that viruses pose to your computer files. Lots of things to think about . . . but we provide solutions and tips for all of them here and elsewhere in the book.
Misinformation and Hype . . . Know Your Source
The Internet is an inexpensive and easy method of publishing information. Anyone can be a publisher, and everyone is an expert. Separating the truth from fiction in cyberspace is one of the hardest tasks we have. Con artists, scam artists, cultists and just plain nut cases thrive in this free atmosphere.
And how can you tell marketing hype from fact? What information is reliable and what is pure bunk? How do your kids separate Elvis sightings from scholarly discourse? How do we, for that matter? (I guess that's another book . . . )
Robin Raskin (Internet Mom), sees misinformation as a big problem too, one that the latest technology can't provide a quick fix for. "Most parental control software," she states, "while it does a decent job of blocking pornographic material, does not do a very good job of blocking kooks, pyramid schemes, racism, or outright lies. These are subtleties that no technology can easily block." I guess that leaves it up to us.
Whether we like it or not, the buck stops here. It's our job as parents to teach our children the difference between hype, misinformation and quality sources wherever they find them. We also need to teach them that not everyone is what he or she seems. Most of us have already started teaching them that. Unfortunately, our children have to learn these things early.
Every time I used to wheel my kids through the supermarket checkout aisle, supermarket tabloids would blast outrageous headlines at them: "Men from Mars Father Children in Indiana," "Four Hundred Year Old Woman Shares the Secrets of Long Life" . . . Once they could read, I would have to explain the truth. (Although I could rarely explain it well enough, since I'm not sure I understand how they can get away with saying these things . . . and I'm a lawyer.)
Every time a publishing company's sweepstakes envelope would arrive, addressed to them, heralding that they had won umpteen million dollars, I would have to explain the small print.
But whether we're in the supermarket or handing out the mail, we're there to answer any questions. When our kids are surfing alone, we need to teach them how to do it for themselves. That's much harder. Try to get them to share what they learn and read in cyberspace with you, so you can do a reality check. Surf with them and point out outrageous sources, which should be approached with skepticism.
HBO had done a great special teaching children about truths (and tricks) in advertising. Something like that may be in order about cyberspace sources, too.
Questioning the source, and understanding that hate groups abound on the Internet go hand-in-hand. Ideas repugnant to many people have found a global audience in cyberspace. We need to make sure that our children become an informed, skeptical and unwilling audience where hate and bigotry are concerned.
We have to teach them that many people on the Internet have biases and prejudices that clash with our values. It's a good time to explain what your values are, and to explain why you believe what you do. A solid grounding is your best weapon against others trying to sway your children's opinions.
When our children are exposed to outrageous bigotry and hatred online or anywhere else, we can help them understand the dangers of prejudice and the importance of tolerance. The more they have a chance to talk and share ideas with other children around the world, the more they will learn how alike we all are. (I've included some international kids sites in Part 4, just for this purpose.)
The Internet strips away everything but how well you communicate your ideas. The Internet is gender-age-physical disability-race-and religion-blind. When you meet people online, you don't know how old they are, whether they are male or female, what color their skin is or how they pray. It's the most egalitarian environment in the world. No geographical borders . . . seamless global communication. That's the beauty of the Internet.
People are often surprised to learn I'm a woman, because I have an unusual name. Their tone online often changes, too, after they find out I'm a woman. Why that should be the case, I don't know. But, we all do it. We all treat people differently based on their age, or where they're from. It's part of how we're trained.
Point out faulty expectations and prejudices with your children by asking them what they think the person they're talking to online is like. Then give them alternative descriptions telling them that the person is 50, not 15, male, not female, and of a different race. Ask them how that changes things . . . and why. This may be an easy way to start to teach them about prejudice and stereotypes.
Mark Twain put his finger on it when he said: "Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime." On the Internet, our children travel the world everyday. We need to make sure that they understand that they are truly part of the global community.
One of the biggest problems with cyberpredators is that they operate in your home. But improving your alarm system and adding better locks won't keep them out. They enter your living room through your computer. Your children feel safe in their pajamas and slippers, with you seated a few feet away watching television or reading. They are otherwise safe and secure. Therefore, people who converse with them while they are in this comfort zone are safe, too, as safe as any other invited guest in your home.
Cyberpredators count on this sense of security in lulling your children into letting down their guard. There is a sense of intimacy online that cyberpredators take advantage of to convince your children that they are not strangers at all.
It's your job to teach your children that these people ARE strangers, no matter how friendly they sound. If you're close at hand, and make it a point to get to know their online friends, the cyberpredator's task will be much harder. Protecting your children online is like buying an anti-theft device for your car. Although it can't completely prevent thieves from stealing your car if they really want to, hopefully you've made it hard enough that they'll go somewhere else.
Report any attempts to lure your child into a face-to-face meeting to law enforcement officials immediately! And if anyone is harassing your children online, by sending repeated unsolicited e-mails and stalking them elsewhere online, report it to the sysop.
Just Plain Rude People . . . Flaming
Sometimes, largely because they feel that they are somewhat anonymous (hiding behind their computer screens) and because they have a captive audience, people say things they would never dream of saying to someone's face. Often these messages are directed at our children, in discussion rooms, chatrooms and e-mail messages. It also happens more often than most of us would like.
Many parents who have been online for awhile have worked out ways of dealing with abusive or vulgar messages (flames) that are sent to their children. One of these parents, Bill Bickel, has several personal websites where he highlights stories about his children. (His websites can be found at www.concentric.net/~Bbickel.) He posted the message below at his site to help other parents deal with flaming directed at their children. (Bill wrote it referring to messages received in connection with his children's sites, but it applies equally as well to e-mail messages or chatroom flaming.)
It is reprinted here, with his kind permission. It's good advice, and I suggest following it (whether your child is on the receiving end or on the sending end):
[Sometimes people send our children] inappropriate, vulgar, or even abusive messages. Aaron's received one of each.
Of course we all pre-screen our kids' e-mail, but it's still upsetting to think that somebody's sending our child this sort of thing. The fact that it's probably just another child doing it isn't much comfort, because it isn't a physical threat we're worried about (the abusive mail Aaron received came from Australia. We live in New Jersey).
My suggestion is: Don't ignore it, and don't wait for a second message. The next message will probably get sent to another child. This sort of thing should be stopped immediately.
Send a copy of the message to POSTMASTER@whatever.com, adding, simply, "Please do something about this." I did this twice, and one account was shut down and the other was suspended (the account holders' little darlings had done this sort of thing before). For good measure, I cc'd my messages to the account holders, leaving the subject blank (so the kids wouldn't be alerted and try intercepting them).
For the message that was merely inappropriate, I just sent a copy of the original to the account holder, again deleting the subject. We received an apology within 24 hours, and a promise that their teenage daughter would not be sitting in front of the computer for some time.
Big brother is watching you . . . Even if you don't take the action that Bickel did, you should try to screen e-mail so that you can intercept hurtful messages to your younger children.
Your older children and teens should be taught to report the flame, or ignore it. They shouldn't get involved in a flaming war, no matter how tempting it may be. These things escalate fast, and get out of control quickly.
And teach them not to flame others, either!
Cookies and Other Risks to Your Privacy
There are two ways you lose anonymity online—automatically, through "cookies," and voluntarily by supplying information when you register at a site or fill out a form sharing that information. Either way, you should know who's collecting the information and what happens to the information they collect.
Cookies
Cookies are software applications (mini-programs) that a website server passes to your computer where it is installed on your hard drive and instructed to collect and store certain information. The stored information can then be transferred back to the server upon request. By using a cookie, a website operator can tell where you've been and a lot of information about you and your computer.
Cookies aren't all bad, though (especially the chocolate-covered mint Girl Scout cookies . . . sorry, I couldn't control myself). Many perform helpful functions, like making it easier to access a site that requires you to register. It remembers the information you gave the website when you first registered, and recalls it when you type in your password and screen name for your next visit. If you didn't have a cookie, you'd have to completely re-register every time you visited the site.
In addition, if you're shopping online, and want to purchase more than one item, you need a cookie. It's one of the ways you can collect all your purchases to transmit to the server at one time (in a cyber shopping cart). Otherwise you'd have to select and purchase the items one-by-one.
The cookies are added to your hard drive by your web browser. Sometimes Web advertisers add cookies when you click on their ads, to track where you go. They should be asking if it's okay to install a cookie, and as the technology improves, each of us will be able to tell our web browsers to reject all cookies, unless they're cookies we need. You can look into your hard drive directory and probably find several sitting there now. Most of them use the word "cookie" in their name. Netscape allows you to set it to ask permission before accepting a cookie.
There are websites that help you test what information is available to others from your computer through cookie technology. The Federal Trade Commission has a very good site located at "www.ftc.gov/WWW/bcp/privacy2/comments1/ junk/cookies.htm#request." When you visit the page it lets you know what information is available from your web browser about you and your computer. It also tells you what others can determine based on that information. You may be unpleasantly surprised.
There are ways to remove cookies and ways you can surf anonymously. Before you remove any, though, you should make sure you don't need the cookie to access any particular site with which you're registered. For example The New York Times site uses a cookie. If you remove it, you won't be able to access their site and will have to reregister.
The balancing act is between allowing websites to customize their information delivery to match your needs and allowing certain companies to invade your privacy just to collect data about you for their own purposes. The secret is to let you make the choice as to where you share the information.
What we give away . . . giving up privacy
The information we give away is far more dangerous than current cookie technology. (Due to the quickly advancing technology, if you ask me again in another year, my opinion might change.) When you combine the two, though, the amount of personal information available online about us is scary. The information our children give away is the most dangerous of all, because we don't know what they're telling people, and who those people are. And . . . they're giving it away every time they log on!
According to a recent survey conducted by the Center for Media Education, a children's media watchdog group located in Washington, D.C., roughly 90 percent of the major children's sites they surveyed solicit personal information about the children. The information they seek differs site by site, but in most cases includes at least the child's full name and address, as well as age.
Rarely do the sites recommend that the children check with their parents before giving out this information, and often the children receive free gifts or chances to win prizes for completing the questionnaires.
Some sites are using this information just for their own marketing, while others are selling the data they collect to third parties and advertisers.
Most of us, who specialize in online privacy legal issues, separate the data-gathering purposes into three groups:
• data gathered by the site operator to track your activities at the site and your preferences, for internal marketing and planning purposes only.
• data gathered by the site operator and disseminated to third parties, in aggregate form, for various purposes, including demographics and preferences of site visitors as a whole.
• data gathered by the site operator or advertisers at the site, which is identifiable as to each visitor and disseminated to third parties.
In an attempt to provide guidance to members of its advertising industry group, The Better Business Bureau's Children's Advertising Review Unit (CARU) compiled voluntary guidelines to be used when gathering children's data on the Internet. I've described them below, and we should all be insisting that sites that gather information about our children adhere to these guidelines. If they don't, be sure to let the website operator know how you feel. We plan to set up a spot at our site to "blow the whistle" on the kid sites which don't adhere to the guidelines, so you can share this information with other parents.
CARU's Recommended Guidelines to Website Operators Who Collect
Information From and About Children
1. Children should be reminded to ask their parent's permission before supplying the requested information and told clearly when the information is only optional.
2. The advertiser should disclose the purpose for requesting the information, in language the child can understand.
3. If cookies or other similar electronic tracking devices are used by the site, they should be disclosed to the child and her parent. They should also disclose what information is being collected.
4. If advertisers collect identifiable information from children online, they should take reasonable efforts to make sure parents consent, and if possible, use a secure site for transmission of the children's e-mail addresses.
5. Children should be encouraged to use a screen name or alias when posting publicly at the site, even if the child has to register using her entire name.
6. They should also let the child know if the information will be shared with third parties, and take reasonable measures to give the parents an opportunity to object.
7. Finally, if e-mail is sent to the child from the site for promotional purposes, the advertiser should provide a mechanism for the parents to remove their child from the mailing list.
KidsCom and the FTC
KidsCom was one of the earliest kids-only sites on the Internet, having been online since February 1995. It doesn't use cookies or similar devices to gather electronic information, but collects data through its registration forms, contests and in connection with finding pen pals.
KidsCom has a terrific children's site for children from ages 4–15 (www. kidscom.com), but ran into trouble recently for insufficient disclosure about data collection from children at their site. Last year the Center for Media Education filed a petition with the Federal Trade Commission asserting that the KidsCom site's data collection violated the consumer protection laws because they failed to disclose the purpose for collecting the data.
In July 1997, the FTC agreed, but declined to take any punitive action since KidsCom had already changed their data collection practices and cooperated in the FTC investigation.
In all fairness, KidsCom wasn't any worse, and in many ways was substantially better than many other children's sites. (They didn't share specific data for third party commercial use, only aggregate anonymous data. In addition they always suggested that children consult with their parents before supplying information.)
In making this ruling, the FTC for the first time issued guidelines for data collection from children on the Internet. It is now clear that companies cannot gather "personally identifiable information" from children unless parents are notified. In addition, these companies have to obtain parents' consent before sharing such information with third parties.
KidsCom now sends a confirmatory e-mail to parents when kids register at the site, disclosing their data collection practices. Then parents can object to releasing aggregate data, containing their child's information, to third parties.
Prior to the investigation, KidsCom used to make certain information available to prospective pen pals when the children signed up for their "Key Pal" pen pal program. Now KidsCom requires parents to authorize the release of this information by facsimile or snail mail (a regular letter) before the pen pal information can be released to prospective pen pals.
KidsCom and Kidbe Safe
KidsCom has used the adverse press and media attention to its advantage. It is now attempting to lead other child content sites in the "safe site" initiative, and is introducing a new cartoon character to identify preapproved safe sites. If a site satisfies strict guidelines for protecting children's privacy and encouraging parental involvement, it will be eligible to display KidsCom's Kidbe Safe
character. Finding a brand to approve site content is a good idea, but perhaps another less involved testing agency should be leading the movement.
Targeting Cybertots . . . Marketing to Your Children Online
As more and more kids are getting online, more and more advertisers are marketing to kids online and seeking private information about them and about you in order to better define that marketing. Online advertising, unfortunately, when compared to television advertising, is still the Wild West when it comes to marketing to kids—the Wild West during the early Gold Rush days.
Although advertising on the Net hasn't panned out as advertisers originally hoped, it's the next frontier. And the statistics are very appealing to marketers.
Children Purchasing and Advertising: Quick Facts
• Children control over $150 billion in purchasing power.
• Children's television advertisers spend $700 million annually.
• Sales of children's computer products exceed $5 billion each year ($1.6 billion in hardware and $3.5 billion in software).
• Jupiter Communications estimates that pay-game sites will be a $2.5 billion industry by 2002 (at least $745 million of this will be attributed to children) and $350 million of all services online will be purchased by children.
To understand the impact advertising can have on children, we only need to think about how many commercial jingles our kids know, and remember how young they were when they could first identify the Toys "R" Us sign and McDonalds' golden arches. (My kids were under a year old.)
And our kids aren't much different from us when we were young. Remember Soupy Sales? In his most famous (infamous?) TV show segment, he asked his viewers to go into their Mommy's and Daddy's wallets, take out all those little green pieces of paper and send them to him. A lot of kids did. It created a scandal for Soupy and proved how susceptible children are to media influence.
You should be teaching your children to be smart consumers . . . "buyer beware" should be the motto. Teaching them to be smart consumers online is the same as it is offline, with one exception. Online, the ads are customized to your kids. They're designed to reach one kid only, yours, and can use his name, your pet's name and the town you live in to help customize the sales pitch. They are also interactive and mesmerizing. It's our job as parents to help our children separate advertising fact from fiction and limit the amount of hype delivered to our children online.
Helping your kids understand where the ads start and the content ends
One of the biggest issues relating to children's advertising is helping them understand when the show ends and the ads begin. Ever wonder why we only hear "Now, a word from our sponsor . . . " during children's programming? Television advertising directed at children has been specially regulated by the Federal Communications Commission since 1974. During children's shows, commercials can only be aired after a five-second gap, called a "bumper," from the program itself. It marks the end of the show and the beginning of the ad. (That's the reason for the announcement.)
In addition, the amount of time, in aggregate, devoted to commercials during a children's program is limited. Finally, in order to keep their favorite cartoon character from turning the entire program into a commercial, other restrictions also exist that are aimed at separating the show's content from the advertising. Products cannot be promoted as part of the television show's content, and characters from the show cannot be used in commercials aired during their show.
But these restrictions have not yet been adopted in cyberspace. At this time, other than FTC and state regulation of deceptive advertising, there are no laws specifically applicable to online children's advertising.
What's being done to address parents' privacy and advertising concerns?
The Children's Advertising Review Unit (CARU) of the Council of Better Business Bureaus was created twenty-three years ago by the National Advertising Review Council (NARC) as part of an effort by the advertising industry and the Council of Better Business Bureaus to be responsive to the concerns of parents and to provide an advertising industry standard for children's advertising. They recently added new guidelines relating to online advertising to children, in addition to the privacy and data collection guidelines discussed previously.
CARU's first rule is that "children should always be told when they are being targeted for a sale." The guidelines (found at www.bbb.org/advertising/caruguid. html#making) also call for advertisers to make a reasonable effort to make sure that any purchase made by a child is made with the parents' knowledge. Otherwise, parents should be able to cancel the purchase and receive a full credit. They also warn advertisers that under existing state laws, parents may not be held responsible for sales contracts entered into by their children.
Advertising industry groups have recommended voluntary compliance, hoping to hold off government regulatory action, and certain children's sites have implemented programs to address parent's concerns.
KidsCom (the same site that was cited by the FTC for deceptive practices in gathering children's data at the site) is way ahead of the pack when it comes to helping children identify advertisements online.
Last year, it introduced The Ad Bug, a cartoon character who identifies advertisements and promotional material at the KidsCom.com site and on other sites participating in the program, like Avery Dennison Corporation's Avery KidsSite,
"www.avery.com/kids." (It's also a great way to make sure our kids notice each ad!)
These are just a few of the potential solutions being offered, but only time will tell if they'll be enough. Unless the companies promoting to your children online start addressing parents' concerns, they may have to face government regulations aimed at U.S. advertisers' marketing to children online.
In the end, though, advertisers have nothing to gain by alienating parents. The smart ones know that. Let the website operators (and me) know if you think they're doing a good job in balancing promotion and content, and make sure you let them know if you think they're marketing irresponsibly to your children. If cleaning up their act means that they'll sell more products, it'll get cleaned up faster than any of us could have imagined.
Parent power!
Mom . . . How Do You Build a Bomb?
There are plenty of books available on the Internet. The Big Book of Mischief is just one of them, but a very special one. Don't be fooled by its innocent name, the "Mischief" it refers to is serious injury and death. It teaches violence, and gives our kids the tools they need to get the job done.
Part I is subtitled, "The Terrorist's Handbook." Of course it comes with the requisite disclaimer: that serious injury or death could result from any attempt to make the recipes it contains, and that the book is being provided merely for your reading pleasure. (Apparently, everyone has a lawyer these days . . . )
Then there's the Anarchists' Cookbook, which explains how you can buy whatever you need to build a bomb at your local grocery, hardware and farming supply stores.(It even includes a recipe to make nitroglycerine.)
And who are the terrorists armed with this deadly and easily accessible information? According to local newspaper reports from around the United States, these "terrorists" include our kids.
So, what can you do? You can take measures to make sure your children understand the dangers of these kinds of things and you can keep a lookout for signs that your kids may be getting into trouble. Serious trouble.
After a bombing near-miss, the police department in Jackson Township, New Jersey identified things parents should look out for if they're concerned that their children may be getting into the bomb building business: pails or buckets, soda or bleach bottles, pipes, ammonia, glycerin or paraffin. "Bomb guide found at Jackson school," by Jeffery S. Rubin, Asbury Park Press, Feb. 1, 1996]
Parents should also be on the alert for children collecting empty containers, or containers that appear out of the norm, and shotgun shells that may have been broken open and emptied of their powder. Parents in Jackson Township were warned to call the police if they found anything that looked suspicious rather than attempting to deal with the "bomb" or bomb ingredients themselves.
Technology may also be a big help in making sure your kids aren't accessing this information online. I've discussed filtering at length in Part 3 and how you can block incoming content which uses certain words, like "bombs."
An interesting account appeared in a Ladies Home Journal article in March 1997 about a mother, Cheryl, whose thirteen-year-old son, Michael, suffered burns over 25 percent of his body when he and a friend were building a smoke bomb from instructions they had found on the Internet. It turned out that while Cheryl didn't have a home computer, her son's friend had Internet access at home, and the boys would go online unsupervised. Learning how to build a bomb turned out to be as simple as typing the word "bomb" into their favorite search engine.
At first, understandably, Cheryl was furious and blamed the Internet. Her anger that this type of information was available to children online, however, softened when she realized that her son could just as easily have found the bomb-building information at their local library. Then, recognizing the importance computer literacy plays in a child's life, the family bought a home computer four months after the accident, and subscribed to an online service. But they vowed to protect themselves and their son online.
And what did they do to protect themselves and Michael while online? They put the computer in the family room, not in Michael's bedroom. They also set rules for him, such as only going online when a parent is home. They also monitor him closely. They chose not to use any parental controls or filtering software, deciding instead to trust Michael to follow the rules. This is one family's way of dealing with Internet risks, and a good one. Trust and education go a long way with the right child. ("My son built a bomb." by White, Cheryl; Johnson, Heather Moors, Ladies Home Journal, March 1997.)
Drugs, Alcohol and Tobacco . . . Oh! My!
Everyone else seems to concentrate on Internet sites that promote the use of drugs, alcohol and tobacco. I don't think there's much more to say, other than the fact that there are many glossy commercial sites that promote drinking and smoking activities which are otherwise lawful for adults and many sites that promote drugs.
These sites are also attractive to children. (Many child protection groups believe that children are being targeted by these advertisers, and they may be right.) But whether the attraction is intentional or not, our children need to be educated about the dangers of drugs, alcohol and tobacco. (With the new tobacco company litigation settlement, tobacco advertising on the Internet will probably be wiped out soon, anyway.) Keyword blocking software can be used to make sure our children don't stumble across these sites while surfing. In addition, sites that you have found which promote these products can be placed on a "bad site" blocked list.
But education and values enforcement is the best defense against this kind of information. You may already have educated your children thoroughly on these topics. Ask them. You might be surprised how much they already know.
Are We Raising Future Riverboat Gamblers in Cyberspace?
There is no doubt that the Internet is an equal-opportunity vice provider . . . gambling hasn't escaped cyberspace anymore than the other vices have. In fact, gambling is thriving in the Internet arena, while facing strict governmental controls elsewhere. (The sites are illegal if they offer gambling within the U.S. without being properly licensed.)
Most of the gambling sites are hosted offshore (which makes law enforcement more difficult). They require prepayment in the form of credit card advances, debit card advances or wired funds. A simple search on any of the search engines will result in hundreds of illegal gambling sites. And your teenager's money is as good as anyone else's.
Frankly, I was surprised that our kids are using the gambling sites as much as they reportedly are. But with more and more children having their own copy of our credit cards for emergency purposes, generous allowances and access to their savings accounts which hold birthday cash, babysitting and paper route money gathered over the years, it's apparently easier than ever. Sometimes, they'll just use our credit card and hope we don't notice when the statement arrives.
Keep an eye on your credit card statements and on your children's savings account balances. Blocking their ability to send out credit card information over the Internet might make it harder for them to gamble online. In addition, if the computer is centrally located under your watchful eyes, you may be able to keep them out of the gambling dens entirely.
Also, teach them that the only people who make money on gambling are the gambling site operators themselves. (I represented casinos for years, and know how profitable it can be for the gambling establishment.) Let them also know that many of the gambling sites are scams, and a lot of those that aren't hold onto your winnings under the guise of international currency laws. Gambling online is a no-win game.