Chapter 12
Understanding Your Options
Teach . . . Your Children Well
President Bill Clinton recently announced an expansive plan to build a family-friendly Internet by giving children a "seat belt" for cyberspace. (I knew my idea for the book cover was a good one.) The White House plan calls for cooperation from the Internet industry to provide parents and teachers with "easy-to-use" child protection technology, and promises to continue enforcing the existing laws designed to protect children in cyberspace. To get this all accomplished, though, the plan encourages parents to learn more about the Internet in order to help guide their children in cyberspace.
Of all the tools and tips I'll share with you, the most important one, more important than any software or hardware device you can buy, is that the first and best line of defense is Internet education. You have to teach your children to be aware and careful in cyberspace. Even if you use every technology protection available, unless your children know what to expect and how to react when they run into something less than perfect online, they are at risk. Arming them well means teaching them well. (Now, all together . . . (with my apologies to Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young) . . . "teach . . . your children well . . .")
Making Your Choices . . . Finding a Fit That's Right for You and Your Kids
Your decision about what your children should be able to see and how you'll enforce your choices is a very personal one. It depends on the child, and depends even more on you—the amount of time you're willing to devote to learning about your child's journeys in cyberspace, and how well you and your child communicate.
There's been a lot of talk lately about child protection software. Several different software programs and methods have been developed to restrict and monitor access to, and rate the content contained in, certain sites on the Internet. Many also restrict information being sent from your children to others on the Internet and online services. While they may be helpful, they aren't a substitute for good parenting.
There are three methods currently in use to allow parents to control their children's access to certain information and sites on the Internet. The most popular is blocking and filtering software, installed on your home computer (called the "first-generation software" by members of the Internet industry).
The most popular of these are Cyber Patrol, CYBERsitter, Net Nanny and Surf Watch. (We've reviewed them in this book in the chapter, Implementing and Enforcing Your Choices.) Most have predetermined "bad sites," blocked when the program is activated, and screen other sites based upon certain content and keyword preferences set by the software manufacturer or, in some cases, the parents. The database of "bad sites" needs to be updated regularly, and some companies charge for update subscriptions.
Some of these programs monitor computer activity both online and offline as well. Currently three of the four products we reviewed, Cyber Patrol, CYBERsitter and Net Nanny, also provide a two-way blocking feature to prevent your children from sending certain information (like their name and telephone number) to others.
The second method is server blocking, where parental control software is installed at the Internet gateway that allows you access to the Internet. That means you don't install the software on your computer, but your online service provider or ISP does. It's easier to use, since no installation or configuration is done by the parent. It's also harder to by-pass by the children. But, it can't be customized. The most popular of this type, Bess, is reviewed in this book.
The third method, and the one most Internet-savvy professionals are banking on, is PICS (the Platform for Internet Content Selection) standard site ratings, which allow your web browsers or other software to screen sites based on their content ratings, allowing access only to the sites bearing ratings selected by the parents.
Although PICS provides the technology that the web browsers use to screen the rated sites, it doesn't set the rating standards or rate the sites.
The two most prominent rating services are Recreational Software Advisory Council on the Internet (RSACi) and SafeSurf (both are discussed later in the chapter Rating the Web . . . PICS, the Platform for Internet Content Selection). RSACi is generally recognized as the industry leader in rating sites using the PICS standard and is typically the default rating system used by the web browsers.
Although both services rate sites using different standards, their procedure for rating sites is the same. Sites submit certain information about their content and are given a rating code to be used at the beginning of the site, to alert web browsers using rating software to identify the site's rating. (Only those with a preapproved rating can be accessed using the web browser.) Sites self-rate, on the honor system, but both RSACi and SafeSurf reserve the right to confirm the accuracy of the rating.
In addition, another parental control program, Net Shepherd (also reviewed in the Using Technology to Implement and Enforce Your Choices chapter), has rated sites based upon its own standard and has the largest rated site database available (over 300,000 according to company spokesmen). It limits access to the sites bearing the rating levels you have selected (if it's not rated, your kids can't access the site). Net Shepherd's software doesn't filter sites or information if they haven't been rated.
When I appeared on CNN in March, 1997 to discuss the subject of blocking and filtering software, I was asked if there was a magic bullet on the horizon. There isn't. The software is imperfect, and tech-savvy kids can get around it. But sometimes, even though you're home and seated next to them while surfing, you may need a little extra help. Inadvertently, even the best kids may stumble across something neither you nor they had intended.
Recently, a confusion over the NASA website for the Mars mission brought the problem closer to home for many of us. After you have read this entire book, taught your children about what Internet sites they should be visiting, and are keeping your kids surfing within sight, you still might be in for a surprise or two—inadvertently, your children may stumble across something you'd prefer they not see.
The NASA site (www.nasa.gov, as it's a government site, not a commercial site) had millions of visitors each day while it was broadcasting the Mars mission. An industrious website operator used the NASA site's popularity and the lack of sophistication of many newbies to feed a pornography website advertising page. (Actually, it had been up for awhile.) The porn site advertised different links, which rotated frequently, by posting banners and links to the advertised sites. The pornographic advertising site's domain was "nasa.com" . . . confusingly similar to the NASA site, and ending with the zone most newbies are familiar with—".com."
Sitting, presumably, safely in front of their parents, thousands of kids typed in the more familiar Web format, "nasa.com," instead of the correct "nasa.gov," and were greeted with far more than anyone expected. (They had expected to learn about astronomy, not biology!) As much as others may argue against filtering and blocking tools, this case proves their value.
But remember, no software can replace trust and communication. The technology shouldn't be the cyber babysitter. It's just another available tool to help knowledgeable parents enforce their choices, nothing more. It's not a magic bullet.
At the end of 1996, Family PC magazine conducted a survey of almost 600 families. (It's reported at their website, www.familypc.com) On the average the persons surveyed were married couples in their late 30's with two children under the age of seventeen. They used Windows 95 on a Pentium PC, with a 28.8 KBPS modem, and Netscape Navigator as their web browser.
The parents surveyed were very concerned about their children's online activities. Most parents didn't allow their children to use chatrooms online; a smaller percentage monitored their children's e-mail. Yet, only a quarter of them used child protection software (incidentally, they reported that ease of use and setup is an important factor in selecting such software). All of the families however, set rules for Internet use in the home. ["Families in the World of the Web, Results to our first Family WebTesters Tell All survey help us get to know you." FamilyPC, December 1996]
Most of the Internet-savvy parents I know don't use child protection software either, tending to rely instead on education and trust. Representative Zoe Lufgren, one of the most Internet-savvy members of Congress, is a good example. She says she doesn't use it for her 12 and 15 year old children because she trusts them to follow the rules and communicate concerns to her.
But the inadvertent accessing of offensive sites may be a good reason for using child protection software to catch the sites before your kids do. Your child may be searching for Seventeen Magazine's website at the obvious name, "www.seventeen.com." Seventeen Magazine doesn't currently have a website, just a forum on AOL (keyword "seventeen"). But www.seventeen.com is a hardcore sexual site.
Representative Lufgren shared a similar story with me about a search conducted by one of her congressional staff on the subject of volcanoes. He searched for "eruptions" and found far more than he intended. Child protection software, although certainly not perfect, can avoid a similar problem in your home.
When Is Your Child Old Enough to Use a Computer?
Too often parents get caught up in measuring their children against other children: who is speaking first, walking first, the first out of diapers. I am often asked when children should be introduced to a computer and how to tell when are they are ready. I always give the same lawyerly answer . . . "It depends." It depends on you as well as on your child.
Most children are introduced to computing while seated in our laps, watching us "play" with our computers. My niece, Danielle, would play with a spare keyboard when she was ten months old. She would bang away perfectly safe, far from the computer itself. As she got a little older, she would wander over from time to time to get a peek at the flashing colors and sounds of the monitor. If her mom or dad ignored her for the computer for too long, she would scramble into their laps, needing once again to be the center of attention.
As she got used to the computer, her hand would be guided on the mouse, and she soon learned, at eighteen months, that moving the mouse moved the cursor. She would giggle while the cursor played wildly around the screen.
Software designed for young children made different sounds every time she struck a different key on the keyboard. (My sister used a MAC program called "key wack.") She was learning that the computer could be fun for her, as well as for her parents. By the time she was two and a-half years old, she could sit and play her favorite programs, still learning how to control the mouse cursor. By her third birthday, she could manage the mouse with the best of them.
A few days after her third birthday, in receipt of a new CD-ROM featuring her favorite character, Arthur, she surprised all of us. While my sister was on the phone, she heard the computer whirring to startup. Danielle was seated in front of the computer, having loaded the new CD-ROM, and had begun playing the program. It was the first time she had ever used the computer alone.
Are all children ready to use the computer by themselves at three? Of course not. It depends on the family, how often the child sees family members using the computer, and the child herself. When parents play sports, children are interested in sports. When parents cook, children like to cook. When we enjoy computers, children follow our lead, excited about what makes us excited.
So let your children sit in your lap and touch the keyboard and mouse. Find a few programs that use characters your children enjoy and find a few family sites with their favorite characters too. Often books can be coupled with interactive programs, fostering an interest in reading at the same time they're becoming familiar with the computer.
Guide their hands when using adult-size accessories. You may want to check out what child-size accessories are available for your computer. (Actually, I was surprised how few gadgets there are for young children. I expected to find more products geared for a child's hand and lots of other gadgets.) The right sized accessories can be much more comfortable. They fit the child's hands better and are usually peanut-butter-proof. They're also more colorful than their adult counterparts. (I've listed some products I like in the chapter called Parry's Picks.)
As delighted as I am that my genius niece has followed in the family technology footsteps, I do not recommend that she be unleashed unsupervised with my sister's expensive Power Mac. (After I wrote this section, we learned that she had deleted file after file from my sister's computer since she could drag and drop files into the trash can, and Oscar the Grouch would praise her each time she deleted a file. Talk about timely advice!)
Nor do I recommend that she devote all her genius to computing, since I fully expect her to qualify for the Olympics and become Secretary-General of the United Nations after she retires from her second term as President of the United States.
So balancing her computing time is very important. (I've already decided to put her on the waiting list for Outdoor Online, the summer camp that combines outdoor activities with online activities in order to teach their campers to balance the two better. You'll learn more about Outdoor Online in the next section, Balance . . . When Do You Know if They've had Enough?) Seriously, this isn't a competition. Your children should use a computer when they want to and advance as fast as they are comfortable. (Just keep an eye on those files . . . and Oscar the Grouch!)
Online activity is less important for younger children than for children once they learn to read and can follow online directions, generally by seven or eight. Even then, online family and children's sites should be visited with the parent or another adult family member. It's a great way to spend time together and share your values and thoughts with them.
Your children shouldn't be allowed online unsupervised until you are sure that they know the rules and will follow them. Fancy child protection software shouldn't be used as a substitute for parental supervision.
New young netizens should be issued a learner's permit to surf, one that requires an adult to surf along with the child until they can pass the test for a full fledged license to surf. You need to set the rules and administer your own test, one designed just for your child and your family. (Read on to learn about Internet use policies.) Only you can make sure your child is ready.
So . . . when is a child ready? When her Internet-savvy parent thinks so.
Balance . . . When Do You Know if They've had Enough?
One of the biggest challenges parents face is making sure their children don't become consumed with computers and Websurfing. We all recognize the benefits of teaching our children to use computers, but we also need to recognize the risks associated with letting them spend every waking hour hiding behind a computer monitor.
A cyber-penpal is a poor substitute for a real live friend. And fingers limbered by typing are poor substitutes for those limbered by throwing a baseball or playing Chopin on the piano. Any parent faced with kids who enjoy video games—and the impossible task of trying to distract them from the video screen—understands how addictive interactivity can be. Yet, knowing how to use and enjoy computers and cyberspace is an important part of our children's development. How can we help our kids maintain a healthy balance?
I stumbled onto one option—Outdoor Online (www.outdoor-online.com). It's a terrific summer camp, devoted to helping parents and children find a balance between computing and the outdoors and other activities. To the untrained eye, it looks like any other summer camp, located at the Kirkwood Resort in California, 30 miles south of Lake Tahoe.
Now in its third season, Outdoor Online offers 250 kids a ten-day combination of responsible computing and outdoor fun. The kids vary between newbies sent to the camp to learn about computing to kids who have to be pried off their PCs before attending this camp—the only sky and clouds they may have seen in recent months having been on their Windows 95 screen saver.
But no screen saver (not even Microsoft's) is a substitute for ten days engulfed in Lake Tahoe's grandeur. The kids kayak and camp and enjoy water sports and hiking. A new program involves the effort of certain campers and counselors in the Lake Tahoe community's effort to keep the lake environmentally sound. They also enjoy sharing their online enthusiasm with a crew of energetic counselors and camp administrators.
I spoke with Mindi Roberts, the multi-talented woman who runs the camp. Trained in a variety of creative fields, she has a wonderful approach to kids computing online. "Everyone wants to get wired," she says "but no one really knows why." It's her job, and that of the camp, to help the children and their parents understand why.
"People," she patiently explains to all the new campers, "are irreplaceable and there's more to interpersonal relations than chatting online." I agree. If you spend too much time behind a computer screen, you'll miss too many important things in this world, like a real sunset, sitting beside real kids, and sharing stories around a campfire.
She also thinks that one of the most important things we can teach our kids is not to believe everything you read on the Internet. The camp is also very concerned about Internet safety, especially for children. The campers build their own websites emphasizing child safety in cyberspace and the outdoor activities they enjoy best. According to one parent, who has sent all three of his children to the camp, there isn't a better program that addresses the critical issues of Internet child safety. And he should know— he heads a local high tech crime buster team.
One young camper was asked by a visitor whether the Internet can and should be regulated. He said that governmental regulation isn't the answer. This boy was ten. Although he probably will follow future attempts to regulate the Internet, he now also knows how to kayak.
Soon after I found Outdoor Online, President Clinton and Vice President Gore did, too. They arrived by helicopter and spent time with the campers and counselors. Mindi thought you'd enjoy some of the photos of the visit. (Many more appear at the site.)
Maybe there's hope for me, too. I wonder if they accept forty-six year old out-of-shape campers? I've always wanted to learn to kayak.