(From A Parents' Guide to the Internet...)

Find out what your children's interests are. What do they read? What do they watch on television? If they're already on the Internet, what do they access?

Even without an ulterior motive, it's a wonderful way to get to know your children. Too often we talk at our children, rather than listen to them. And they have wonderful things to tell us, if we just listen.

Ask them to show you around the Internet. Access their bookmarks with them. Don't ambush them and make it look like you're spying on them. Take this opportunity to share some of their interests. You might be pleasantly surprised to learn some of the things that interest them.

For instance, how do they find their way around the Internet? Do they rely on hyperlinks (links to other sites), or do they use a search engine? If so, which one? Ask them why they prefer one over the other, and how they formulate their searches.

Once you have a better idea about how your children use the Internet, you can start developing a set of rules to govern their behavior online and to guide them into safer waters. Your rules should be designed to help them understand proper netiquette, know what to expect from others online, how to behave when something unexpected occurs and how to protect themselves and you from getting hurt in cyberspace. That's an "Internet use policy." (Some call them "acceptable use policies" or "agreements.")

These rules are mutual rules, and should be constructed by both parent and child, not just forced upon your children. Part of what will make them work is the communication between you when the rules are being designed. Some kids respond well to a written policy signed by both the parents and the child; others would prefer a list to be posted near the computer, as a reminder. You should do what makes you both comfortable. After all, you know your kids best.

The site of the Direct Marketing Association, a direct marketing industry group, (www.the-dma.org) has an automated Internet use policy feature. You answer the questions, making your choices. Then the program prepares a policy customized for you, based upon your indicated choices, which you can print out. You should check it out.